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Trigger warning for people who fear hard truths, self-responsibility, and tough love. Allllllllright… I just got a reader email that made my blood boil.
So this is going to be a rant. This email from Laurie in San Diego, CA landed in my inbox this morning edited for brevity and name changed for anonymity :. But whenever I think about dipping my toe back in to the dating pool where I live, the options are all underwhelming. Neither of which I feel particularly inspired by. Honestly, I just want to find my person.
I want whats my dating market value find a man with a good job, a big heart, who loves my kids as much as he loves me, can communicate well, is interested in doing growth work, whats my dating market value has mqrket in his life hwats a loving partner. Is that too much to ask?
Where are all of the men who read your writing? You should start a dating service cpa dating affiliate people who follow your writing, so they can meet each other. I have so much to say to this. So… I will now attempt to rip this email learn more here shreds, while giving my heart and recommending some concrete action steps that someone in this position can do.
Honestly, so many things pissed me off in this email it almost feels like a cosmic joke. Here is a list of a few of the things that I think are unfortunate about emails such as these.
In this situation, Laurie blames her city as being the problem. This is lazy, and gets us nowhere. While environmental factors can be important to consider ex. There is continue reading healthy element to being able to enter into a relationship from a state of non-dependency.
But when that sentiment is immediately followed by some sideways anger datong out, it raises a valke flag for me in terms of their most likely being some unprocessed anger towards men. If you have unprocessed anger about how your past relationships have ended, then do some honest work on yourself. Hire a coach or a therapist and do the work of picking up your baggage, sorting through it, and getting dating websites maidstone residual cobwebs out of your mental attic.
It more sounds like an option that she is loosely considering. Why is it that people have no issue with spending weeks or go here looking for a new home or apartment… or putting a similar amount of energy into getting a new job or building a business, but when it comes to finding a suitable romantic partner we click the following article that they will simply manifest out of thin air with little to no effort?
If Laurie was responsible for her mind she would be doing her work. She would be owning and integrating the unprocessed anger she https://zoosaurus.xyz/lifestyle/free-dating-site-images.php towards men. She would get her mind to a place where she genuinely loved and appreciated the gifts of the masculine.
She would be putting in consistent effort to get herself into a place where she was meeting single, emotionally available men. Near the end of her email she mentions wishing that I would start a dating service that introduces her to men who read my writing. Teach a man to fish and vwlue feed him for a lifetime. Honest, loving, self-responsible, successful, big-hearted men who have done their work and have spaciousness in their life for a romantic partner.
You know whars thing about how the vast majority of people who win the lottery, a couple years after winning, are in a worse financial position than they were before they won? They were still someone who had fucked up mental models when it came to moneyand so of course their life imploded as a adting. San Diego has over 1. SoNow, maybe only a third of those people are in her dating age range. Down toBut regardless of the back-of-the-napkin math that leads us to her healthily sized dating pool… what matters the most in her thoughts on the situation is the way she is framing the men in her city.
In other words, inside of her own psyche, there is one part of her who is to use her words a sex starved younger women, and another part of her that is an emotionally fucked up older woman. This is probably the most confronting truth that I will continue to touch back on throughout this article.
It is so much easier to blame external results or factors than to take responsibility for our situations and look at how we are contributing to the end results we are getting. AND… there is a transactional element to relationships as well.
Not just in cultures where dowries still exist… or where men are https://zoosaurus.xyz/news/dating-myself.php allowed and encouraged to have four wives… or where whats my dating market value you marry is based on your last name.
But in major cities in North America. In small town Italy. In every place on this planet. Because we are still mammals who, on some level, have a genetic predisposition to want to partner up with the highest value partner that we possibly can. Individual preferences will always vary widely. Women are not a monolith. Men are not a monolith. No group of people are datign one, singular way. Nothing in this article negates that.
Straight facts. Full stop. The end. This is similar to how I believe that everyone deserves to have or at least strive for fulfilling work — if a career matters to the person in question. Of course not. Not even close. Nor should it be. And the part xating you that wants this to happen is the regressed inner child inside of you that misses how your parents used to meet your needs without you having to do anything in order to earn their love.
And hey, you know what? That may totally be the case for 0. Some people do easily slide into their dream partnership and stay married whats my dating market value several decades and then pass away in their sleep simultaneously and their lives are great.
And I bet https://zoosaurus.xyz/magazines/lavalife-online-dating.php people will have amazing wedding videos plastered all over social media.
And good for them! I rejoice in their happiness. All the power to them. But for everyone else who wants the end result without putting in the work? Boo, I say. The point of working on yourself and becoming a more holistically balanced, integrated, healthy person is not to then appeal to the largest percentage of the dating market as possible. Not at all. The point read article to do the work of getting out of your own way, so that you are SO YOU that you naturally attract the tiny subset of that dating market that you are actually, dating two younger years guy girl compatible with.
First of all, drop your entitlement, get honest about what you bring to the dating market, and then date roughly at your level. There is a huge gap between self-honouring and delusional… and so many people in the world are completely oblivious to this discrepancy when it comes to themselves.
And be totally honest with yourself. Look at the facts of your awesomeness and feel good about them. And then… look at where you might be falling short. What strikes do you have against you? How many of those things are alterable?
How willing are you to alter those things? Through valus conversation, I found out that she was a registered massage therapist, a Red Seal certified chef, and she was finishing up dzting schooling to become a licensed sex therapist. Were you just following cating energy… doing things that you felt curious about, and you switched every couple of years?
How did this come to be? So I figured that by really understanding the human body, being able to cook well, and becoming masterful in the realm of sexuality, I would be a phenomenal partner to whoever I ny up marrying. Just a whats my dating market value straight faced, matter of fact, pragmatic approach to how she wanted to show up in the world to attract an makret partner who she could love well. I respected whats my dating market value shit out of her. In fact, her simply stating that she had put this much egoless effort towards bettering herself as a person actually MADE ME more attracted to her.
Granted, I am biased towards anyone who displays intentionality in their lives in general… but honestly, she immediately jumped up three points out of ten on the attractiveness scale. Just getting after it in life. Good for her. So without further ado, here are seven tangible things you can do to increase your value in the dating market.
One of the most predictable ways that people remain in a state of self-rejection is they make their emotions wrong. This work can be done by oneself journalling, meditating, reading, etc. Money is energy. Whaats being irresponsible with your money is just as unattractive as being irresponsible with your life energy. A lot of people who share a victim mindset love to blame money for their lack of a datihg life.
As if being abundantly financially prosperous is the single greatest factor in attracting a romantic partner. What an absolute crock of shit. If you want to live by this world view, it is your right to do so.