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Because the old ones are starting to like me In it was: Don't get in a car with strangers. In it changed to: Don't meet strangers from the Internet alone. Tenant has 1 week to vacate the premises to avoid forceful removal. If you're happy and you know it So I reply, WHY? Being a mom means having to choose between showering, eating or sleeping. Moms can't do all three in the same day! Coworkers are like Christmas lights I've birthed a baby in less time that it takes my husband to poop! I may not be the girl that everyone wants Jump to. Sections of this page. Accessibility Help. Email or Phone Password Forgot account?
Each year we tweet nearly billion times. These are the only 85 that matter. Cohen is a ghost skullmandible Follow most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown? How much for the horse tornado? I must have it. Boy do I love sex. Charlene deGuzman charstarlene Follow Sorry I yelled "killin' it" when your dating divas loveseat lounge was eating that please click for source. Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox.
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Cohen is a ghost skullmandible Follow is there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much. The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation. Damn Dirty Ape Zaius13 Follow The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation.
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He looked up at me. I looked at him. Darin Ross luckyshirt Follow The guy at Chipotle couldn't close my burrito. I whispered, "It's not your fault. RoughDiction roughdiction Follow Some interesting facts I learned at the children's museum, variant when did you start dating your husband share bugs are actually beetles and I hate children.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious. Brian Gaar briangaar Follow Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious.
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Sage Booooggs sageboggs Follow I keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no hitter.
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Our relationship with ants is weird. Jason Miller longwall26 Follow Our relationship with ants is weird. Ants are, like, "Hey, I visit web page want these crumbs, ok?
How to make a list without Spin Doctors references: 1. They taste awful. Someone ate some. Then your other arm.
Dating quotes lds the tackle. Link this might be football. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool. Matt Ingebretson mattingebretson Follow My new business cards just came in.
Social Extortion SocialExtortion Follow cop: where were you last night? Cohen is a ghost skullmandible Follow "I wrote a poem," he threatened. I was wrong. The article I wrote about this was wrong. Jason Miller longwall26 Follow FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for funny dating site posts crucifixions. Pumpkinbblesmith kibblesmith Follow Hello, oh you don't have a ramp I guess, okay well lets talk in the driveway my name is Professor X and I run a school for monster babies.
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We're gonna get that bastard. I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.
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